"I'll be right back. pics young girls going to put on some clothes." A minute later he came back in some sweat pants and shirt, but he didn't on the couch though. He pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and set it in the living room. I guess I got the answer to question of whether or not he was angry with "Evan, I'm really sorry about last night. That was really rash on my part." "Brian, I'm sorry, too." "Wait a minute, me finish." I nodded my consent. "I shouldn't have kissed you. I got but I completely understand why you stopped You said it yourself, you're only now coming to terms with being gay. I can't imagine kind of uncomfortable position I put you in. The truth is that I like you and I'm attracted to you. To hear you say that you liked me, well, it was what I wanted. It's been a long time since a guy I was interested in expressed interest in me, and it's nearly as long since someone's even kissed me." I could see him starting to form tears his eyes. "This is new to you. sure the last thing you need is an old, bitchy boyfriend like me." Here it was: the point in our relationship. Our future depended on the way that I responded. Was I ready for this? I had to be. I walked over to chair and knelt in front him with my hands resting on his knees. This time, I looked straight into his eyes. "Brian, the way I last night was really shitty. You have nothing to be sorry for. I told you how I felt then ran away when the truth is you were exactly what I wanted. You're right, I am new to this, but if I'm too scared to start something with a guy like you, then I'm never going to be ready." I squeezed his and he smiled at me. Thankfully, his eyes had dried up because he made me want to cry. "And you're not old," I added. "Yes am. I'm 26. That means I'm closer being 30 than I am to 20. And what about bitchy?" "Well, I'm not so sure I can argue with one," I said jokingly. He lightly slapped my face, but it was really more like caress. He then used his hand to cup my cheek. "So.?" I asked. "So what?" I put on my high-pitched voice in an attempt to sound like a high school student. "Will you be my boyfriend?" He laughed the look on my face. "Well, I suppose you can hold me over until I get a better offer. I'm still holding out for Brad Pitt." He up and pulled me off my knees. eyes looked directly into mine, and I began to fade out of reality. A young hesitantly, he leaned in to kiss me, but I stopped him. "Could take this slowly at first?" The warm smile on his face almost made me wish I had never said it, that he would take me to the and not let me out until the next day. "Slow it is, then." His soft lips met the flesh on my forehead and then I wrapped my arms around stood there holding each other. It felt good to be honest with myself. I felt like this was the of my search for true happiness. It was a start wasn't it? Brian was the first one to pull much I would love to stay here all day, I've got work to finish." "Oh, ok," I said. Since I had day off I was hoping that we could spend the day together, so I was disappointed. "Do you plan on eating today?" "Sooner or later," said as he winked at me. "Well, if you get hungry, give a call. Maybe we can get lunch down at Joelle's." Joelle's was a great burger joint a few blocks down from the apartment. "I'd like that." He walked me to the door. "I'll see you later, then." "Bye." I timidly kissed pics young girls cheek. "Bye." Cloud Nine. That's where I was then, that's I am now. Nothing could have brought me down after that. Well, as long as Nothing chose not to bother me on ride back up to my apartment. When I got to my apartment, there was definitely something waiting. The door was unlocked, and knew that I had locked it. Instantly, I went on edge as I soundlessly turned the knob and went inside. The smart thing to do would been to call the police. I never said I did the smart thing. Someone was banging pots and pans in the The head that popped up from behind the bar was the last one I expected to see. "Jesus, you scared the hell out of me!" She flashed me an innocent "Sorry, Evan, I came by to pick up some cooking that I left here. I figured you would be at work." "No, I have the day off. Is there anything I can help you find?" "Nope, I just found the last of it." "Oh." I walked the kitchen and poured myself some juice. Adding some gin that juice didn't sound like such a bad idea. Too bad I didn't have any. She gathered the last of her into a box. "Well, I'll get out of here. I won't ruin your day off." "Jane, you know that could never do that. How've you been?" "I've pics young girls alright. It's the same old story, work, work, work." "Yea. I'm getting more and more nervous about starting next month." "You'll be fine, sweetie. I have no doubt about that." I "You know how many people end up dropping out before they finish." "But this is what you've wanted. Before you know it, we'll all have to answer to Dr. Alexander." Not that I didn't love Jane, but the way she acting was enough to make me go crazy. We had broken up 5 days ago, and she as if nothing had ever happened and everything was normal. "Jane, how can you be so casual about this." "About what?" "This! Us. Here you are to me like last Friday was a dream or something. I haven't talked to since then, and I miss you." She her head and looked at me."Evan, to be completely honest, I thought you would have wanted me to keep my for a while. I'll admit that I let you go suddenly, but sorry, I don't regret it. I thought you felt the same way." I rubbed my hand over my face. "I do feel the same way; it was time to end it. What I is having my best friend. I was hoping that this wouldn't change our friendship, it seems as though it has already." Jane walked over to me and gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. the last thing I want see happen. We've been best friends for too long to let anything come between us." "Good. why haven't you called?" Her eyes took on a distant look and she sighed. "I've been so busy, Evan, don't know where I have time for a life anymore. Some days I've forgotten to eat." "Jane!" She I had a thing about eating disorders. "I'm not trying to make a habit of it. With all the work I have, sometimes I get so stressed that I don't feel hungry or I don't notice that I feel hungry for several she snapped. "And why do I have to be the one to call you? I have caller ID, you haven't me either." "I didn't want to make first move. You dumped me, remember." She got calm again and her face darkened. "I didn't 'dump' you. I'm here now talking to you, shouldn't mean that I'm not trying to get rid of you?" I didn't answer. Here she was getting stuff out of my apartment and saying that she wasn't trying get rid of me. There was enough tension already and my temper would do nothing to help the situation. The truth is that I did feel She had been ignoring me, and never a good feeling. Fortunately she was the first one to speak again. "That does remind me though," she said holding out the key to my in the palm of her hand, "this is yours." I her hand and folded her fingers over the key. "You keep it, you're my best friend. Anytime you want to come visit, you're more than welcome." kissed her hand. Her face beamed when I said that. "Thank you," whispered. Once she recovered, she said, "I should get going. I took a break to get over here I knew that if I didn't get it done now then it wouldn't get done for a long time." "Alright. Give a call sometime and we get dinner or something." She picked up her box and headed out the door. "Sounds great." "Do need a hand with that?" Her voice was muffled from the other side of the door. "No, I've it." I went about the rest of my day. It was the middle of the morning, so I had time time to clean up my apartment, which was pure taboo, but I was in such a good mood that I didn't care. After I was done, I settled pics young girls in the living room to watch TV. I had a boyfriend. Oh, God, I had boyfriend. The temptation to jump squeal was killing me. The phone rang, but it was so comfortable on the couch, in front of the TV. I didn't want to move. I dozed off about ten minutes after the phone rang. My nap didn't last The phone rang again, and this time I decided to actually answer I answered. "You have got sixty seconds to explain to me why you and Jane are not together anymore." "Well, sis, Jane broke up with because there was no way we were ever going to be happily married. was no passion in our relationship. She also figured out that I was gay, which is true, and told me to go after guy named Brian that I liked. So I did, now we're together, and I feel great." "Terrific. That only took seconds. I have get the babes to a doctor's appointment. I love you, talk to you later." "Bye Maria." I looked at phone and laughed to myself. That was the least of my worries. I knew that Maria didn't care about me being gay. We both had a friend a few years ago who was He ended up in a coma for a few months before his mother couldn't to keep him in the hospital anymore. had to let him go. When Maria and I went to his funeral, she took me aside the service. With her finger pointed directly in my face, she told me in no uncertain terms that if she ever heard me not raising my voice in advocation of the simple rights and protection of gay people, she would personally nail balls to the wall and let the rodents eat away at my flesh. How could you not love my sister? As as I hung up the phone, there was a knock at the "Come in!" I yelled. Brian entered the room, and I could feel the muscles my face scream in pain from smiling too hard. "Hey, did you still want to go to lunch?" "Yea, are you in the mood for?" Brian twisted his foot side side and looked up at the ceiling like a guilty teen. He was so cute, but he was even cuter he was trying to be. "What are you up to?" I asked with a suspicious look. "Well, I was thinking. We COULD go down to Joelle's." "Or?" I asked towards him. "Or we could make this first lunch a young special and have it be just the of us." He smiled and pulled out two bags of Joelle's food from the front door. "Mmm. That sounds really good." I took bags from him and put them on the kitchen table. He followed me, but for some reason I could feel him smiling me. "So what did you get," I asked as I began unpacking the food. "A bacon mushroom cheeseburger with onions ketchup, no pickle for you, and a regular cheeseburger for myself." I an eyebrow and gave him a look. "How did you know that was my favorite burger?" "You it at the cookout. I also got some curly fries, but it was going to too much of a hassle to bother with drinks. C'mon, let's eat before it gets cold." If I haven't it before, Joelle's burgers were so good. I wish I could have brought them with me. Brian had a good laugh my expense when the juice dribbled down my chin. Part of me wanted to clean it off for me, but I wiped it up myself. We did get an interesting started though. "Ok, so you know how inexperienced I am about this gay relationship thing," I began. "Right." "Well, laugh at this, but I have to know: which one of us is supposed to be the guy and which us is supposed be the girl?" "Some couples define themselves along those lines, but I don't like to. We're guys so I would think that we would both be just that. I don't want to be a girl, and I don't want to date a girl. Otherwise wouldn't be gay." "I know that, but in terms of sex, what's supposed to happen?" "Wow. You're a young ahead of yourself aren't you?" I must have turned ten shades of red. "I-I didn't mean that w-we should go have sex now or anything, I was just wondering." "Relax, baby, I was just babeding." He chuckled in that beautiful laugh of his. Oh, wow, he called me baby. felt so strange, but so good at the same time. "You're asking which of us would be the and who would be the bottom." "Yea." "Well, I don't either way, but I'm assuming you would want to be the top since you've never done anything like "I'm sorry. I'm really nervous about all this." "Why don't we cross bridge once we get to it?" he suggested. I nodded in agreement. I regretted up the topic in the first place; I had almost choked on my burger. We lunch talking about a few CDs Brian had picked up. We both had a strange love for Oldies music. I told him that I had good tapes that my father had left behind. clearing the table, he settled down on one of the couches while I decided on a Marvin Gaye tape. The first song was "I Heard Through the Gfuckvine." I took a seat on the couch next to Brian as we sang along. the first two songs, he turned to me and said, "I should get back to doing my work." "Are sure that you have to?" "Mmm hmm. It's almost 2. My paper won't finish itself." I gave him a smirk. "Is there I can do to convince you a young longer?" He closed his eyes and gave a great put-upon sigh, but I knew he was only joking. "Ok, I suppose I could stay for a few more minutes. I my hand up to give him a playful hit, but he in mid-air. I laughed. "Didn't I ever tell you I had fast reflexes?" he said. "No, but I'll keep that in mind." He hadn't released my hand. Neither of us really noticed for a while. Brian was the first to realize it, and quickly released hand as if I burned him. "Sorry," he quietly. "No, it's okay." I moved my hand back over his and grasped his palm in mine. Our fingers together, and we stroked each other's hand. Marvin Gaye's duet with Tammi Terrell, "You're All I Need to Get came on. It was my favorite Gaye song after "Let's Get it On." I told that to Brian, and he held onto me that much tighter. I sang along softly with the music. "Like the sweet morning I took one look at you, and it was plain to see, you were my holding my hand, Brian put his head on my shoulder and snuggled against side. "Is this ok?" he asked looking up at me. How could say no to those eyes? "This is perfect," I replied. I loved feeling the weight of his on my shoulder and the heat from his body. For some reason, it felt so to me; as if we should have been doing this our whole lives. We fit together. I hadn't ever been an advocate for love at first sight. I always believed you had to work for a long time to build the basic foundation for a relationship. The beginning to doze off on my shoulder had started to prove me wrong. Pretty soon, I asleep as well. Brian was still sleeping I woke up. Did you ever wake up because you could "feel" someone else in the room? I rubbed eyes with one hand and the blurry shape of a woman came into view. "Well it's about time shacked up." A tired smile grew across my face. "Erica, we didn't 'shack up.' We lunch." "And no dessert?" I stifled a laugh. Brian looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake him. the realization hit me. "You knew he was gay!?" "He's my friend, of course I knew he was gay." "I don't understand. Why didn't you tell me?" "Because I asked her not to." Brian on my shoulder and pulled away from me. "Why?" I asked. "I didn't really know how you about gay people, and I didn't want Erica to spring on you. She also knew how I felt about you." "Ok, but Erica, if you this, why didn't you tell me when I had that meltdown in your apartment?" "It wasn't my place tell you. That was Bri's business. I figured that things would work out the way they were supposed to anyway." Brian slanted brow. "And what's that supposed to mean?" "It means that it was only a matter of time the two of you realized your mutual attraction." I couldn't help but smile at that. The to reach over and take Brian into my arms suddenly hit Dealing with the conflicting emotions of everything from telling him to take it slowly to wanting him to touch me all in one day, hell, a day's time was maddening. It was the good kind of maddening, it me want him more. But how was I supposed to tell him that I told him that very morning that kissing me on the lips was fast? "Shit!" Brian said, "it's after 6! I've got to go finish up my work. I'll talk to you two ok?" He hugged Erica and gave me a quick kiss on my scarred cheek. I must have been glowing when he left because Erica stop teasing me about it for fifteen minutes. *** Maria phoned again that evening. We had a long about what I was going through and how things got started with Brian. She said that was happy that Jane and I had stopped dating. She cared about of us, and she knew that the two of us staying together was gradually making us more and more miserable. I told her I asked Brian to take things slowly and she called me an idiot. She said, "You better him as fast as you can before someone else does." The conversation into talking about my work at the community center and how Mark and the babes were At the end, she told me how much she loved me and hoped that I would happy. It truly was incredible to have a sister her. When I got off the phone with her, it was nearly 9 o'clock, and I still didn't know what I was to do for dinner. It was beginning to look like a microwave night.
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